tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2985397292647082061.post4828488591105408392..comments2014-02-07T06:46:09.142-08:00Comments on elise's blog is better than your blog. : Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00316829993705538643noreply@blogger.comBlogger3125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2985397292647082061.post-57267418808113724702014-02-07T06:46:09.142-08:002014-02-07T06:46:09.142-08:00Hi Elise! You've done a really great job of bl...Hi Elise! You've done a really great job of blending sports drama and personal drama here. You keep your readers hooked from beginning to end. <br /><br />One of my favorite parts of your story was the inner dialogue that you included:"Why hadn't my brother noticed him? Why was he just standing next to him like nothing had ever happened? He knew everything that had happened between me and Jimmy, how could he be civil with him?". I think that this section revealed a lot about Parker's character and brought me closer to knowing her as the protagonist. <br /><br />I think that Marissa brings up a good point about vivid description. There are some points in your story, like when Kayla scores, that you could show instead of tell. That would be a great place to add description and really show your readers what that goal might look like. MsThomann91https://www.blogger.com/profile/13578009468038937665noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2985397292647082061.post-80082902950113633172014-02-05T16:05:36.278-08:002014-02-05T16:05:36.278-08:001 conflict are the mind games
2 good transitions ...1 conflict are the mind games <br />2 good transitions and show of emotion the main character get herself out of tight spots<br />3 the setting was pretty good<br />4 its a story were things turn on a dime<br />5 anything is possabel if you put you mind to it<br />6 try and explain moreAnonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17801452300434259195noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2985397292647082061.post-52520408108934495222014-02-05T12:21:44.020-08:002014-02-05T12:21:44.020-08:001.) The conflict of the story was the main charact...1.) The conflict of the story was the main characters mind playing tricks on her. The story was told by the main character through her thoughts. I was pulled into the story near the end at the point where the main character said "Jimmy pulled out the knife." I think you could make the story more dramatic by having illusions throughout the whole story not just in the ending. <br />2.) The characters change over time especially the main character. The main character goes from excited to nervous to scared to happy. The greatest development of the character was how the illusion stopped. This change made the story have a happy ending. <br />3.) My favorite part of the story was when the character started seeing illusions because it brought excitement to the story. This happened in the climax of the story.<br />4.) The best quality of the story was how it had you thinking of a nice warm day at a soccer game and things started going bad. <br />5.) I think the author was trying to say you can accomplish anything. This was shown in the ending of the story. <br />6.) I think you could use more vivid vocabulary, the story seemed kind of stiff while reading it. Try and use your own voice in your story.(:Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01352948963825356559noreply@blogger.com